1. How We Got the Name "Spider Tales"- This is the tale of how a conceited spider got his way. But at least he is a clever conceited spider; that makes up for some of the lessons antithetical to traditional morals contained within the tale. (Wow. That totally sounded conceited. I'm becoming like Anansi. . . Let's just hope I don't grow 6 more legs or something.) You have to wonder: why bees, a boa constrictor and a tiger? What did Nyankupon want with those three creatures? Playing to the pride and curiosity of various creatures--how Frank Underwood of you, Anansi. Can you imagine the pain of sewing your eye(s) shut? *shudder* That's just frightening, and totally reminds me of Coraline (which is a totally creepy children's movie--how can you even consider that a children's movie?!). But good work, Anansi! You beat the challenge of the chief of the gods, so that's pretty cool and all.2. How Wisdom Became the Property of the Human Race- No wonder Anansi could complete that challenge, if he posses all the wisdom in the world. What did Nyankupon really expect? Goodness, what terrible logic; if only he had had the wisdom to see the fallacy there. . . If all the wisdom is trapped in a pot, how does anything in the world get done? Sheer dumb luck? And I think this story is totally confusing the difference between wisdom and common sense--I sometimes find that people can be completely wise and have no common sense, and vice versa. But 's'okay, Anansi, how can I expect you to tell the difference when you locked all the world's wisdom in a jar out of anger? The same anger which resulted in all the anger being released into the world. You should really work on the whole common sense and anger management issues there, Anansi. I know some great Psych majors if you need some references. . .
3. Anansi and Nothing- That's what I think to do when I have no plans for a day; I mean, why not just go looking for a husband randomly? It's what all the cool kids do. Ahhh, polygyny, how I've missed your misogynistic tendencies. Why not just wait for the bananas and peppers to ripen? Goodness, where is all the common sense?! For a second I thought it said that he smeared the palace steps with okra and I was very confused. . . Great origin story for the saying "crying for nothing," but honestly quite a horrific surprise ending. Like, what?!
4. Thunder and Anansi- I'd climb the palm tree for fun even if I wasn't starving. Yup. Try, try again--even if that means attempting to sail across the ocean in a broken boat; no one said Anansi was the sharpest machete in the jungle. I'm really starting to wonder why all of these stories focus on Anansi. He's kind of a . . . well, a bastard, if I'm feeling kind. He deserved to be beaten by a bewitched stick.
5. Why the Lizard Moves His Head Up and Down- Ooooh, a Rumpelstiltskin-esque tale. Let's guess these names! Rapunzel? Belle? Aurora? Jasmine? Wait. . . they aren't Disney princesses? Well, shucks, I have no idea, then. And how many wives does Anansi need? Jeez. And poor Lizard. . .
6. Tit for Tat- So. Many. Famines. At least Kweku Tsin recognizes how wicked his father Anansi is; I guess the coconut falls farther from the tree than the apple. Wow, just. . . wow. Anansi, you need to get your vision and head checked. You're just. . . just. . . stupid. You're stupid, Anansi (even if you are known for being clever). Goodness.
7. Why White Ants Always Harm Man's Property- Another famine--go figure. I have to say, if I find a dead antelope in the forest I don't think that I'd pack it up to eat. That's like eating roadkill--not that eating roadkill is totally unacceptable, it's just. . . yeah. No Scat the Roadkill Cat for me. If I ever need a henchman, I'm definitely going to take the time to sharpen his/her teeth. It just makes the chase that much more exciting. And if I ever see someone with filed teeth, my first thought is going to be, "Wow that's so beautifully done! Where can I find the 'Filing Spider' to do my own teeth?!" True story. I'm also going to hang people from trees just so I can mock their gullibility. I just need to make sure I have a pulley system worked out in advance. . . Any volunteers for trials? Huge twist at the end there; who saw the ants dying by boiling water coming? Anyone?8. The Squirrel and the Spider- Something to keep in mind: you cannot legally have a farm unless there is a road leading to it under your domain. The courts of law said so to Squirrel, so it must be true.
9. Why We See Ants Carrying Bundles As Big As Themselves- How small must a dwarf be to seem tiny to a spider? Is it like a Atom Ant-sized human? Maybe even with a little helmet and everything? Pretty please?! (Also, don't be an ant, because they are too honest for their own good. They might as well all be named Abe, or something. Yup, I went there.)
10. Why Spiders Are Always Found in Corners of Ceilings- Who needs scarecrows when you can have a creepy, sticky, rubber man? That way all the crows and things get stuck to the scarecrow even if they aren't scared off and can't steal your corn or whatever. You just might have to deal with more enraged animals than may be dictated as "safe."
11. The Grinding-Stone That Ground Flour By Itself- Seriously, I don't think a week goes by without a new famine arriving in whatever region Anansi and friends inhabit. Additionally, always check your bags to make sure they aren't leaving a trail of ashes behind you; that seems to be Anansi's favorite way to track people. And the moral of the story is: don't carry a magical grinding stone on your head because it will grind you to bits before you can manage to put it down. Also, tiny spiders like to gather under large stones (just in case you hadn't already noticed that sometime in life). Cool beans. Both of those are very applicable lessons, admit it.
And there you go! Some fun etiological-type stories from West Africa! Arrivederci!
Image Information. Araneus diadematus; photo by Hochgeladen von Quartl, 2010. Wikipedia.
Zitterspinne (Pholcus sp.); photo by Achim Muller, 2007. Wikipedia.
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